Work Gnomes
by J. B. Tilton
Summary: When Piper and Phoebe visit Paige at work, they encounter the most irritating creatures that can inhabit an office setting: work gnomes.


CHARMED  
"WORK GNOMES"  
by J. B. Tilton  
Rating: PG (for mild language)  
  
Disclaimer: "Charmed" and all related characters and events are  
the property of the WB television network, except for those  
characters specifically created for this story. This is a work of fan  
fiction and no infringement of copyright is intended.  
  
* * *  
  
When Piper and Phoebe visit Paige at work, they encounter  
the most irritating creatures that can inhabit an office setting: work  
gnomes.   
  
* * *  
  
Piper and Phoebe walked into the building where Paige  
worked. All week long they had been anticipating this day. All  
had specifically set this time aside to go have lunch together.   
With all that was going on lately, it was nice to be able to set  
aside some time just for themselves.  
  
As they walked into the room, they noticed that everyone was  
busily working. Most of the desks had piles of files on them.   
Both of the sisters had been in the office before, of course. But  
then, it was usually just to stop in and say hi or to get Paige for  
the Power of Three. This time they had decided that, come hell  
or high water, they would enjoy a nice, easy lunch. Demons be  
damned.  
  
"Hey, sweetie," said Piper, kissing Paige on the cheek. "You  
ready to go?"  
  
"Ready?" asked Paige, total surprise on her face. "Ready for  
what? Is there another demon coming after us?"  
  
"No," said Phoebe, looking around. "Today's the day we set  
aside for our lunch. You know, just us girls. No White Lighters,  
no warlocks, no demons. Just the three of us."  
  
"Oh, God," said Paige, "I totally forgot. It's been a madhouse  
around here today. I've misplaced three files, the computer  
system has been acting like it has a mind of it's own, and three  
people called in sick. I'm not sure I can get away right now."  
  
"Paige, you promised," said Piper. "We've been looking  
forward to this all week."  
  
"Damn it," swore a man several desks away.  
  
The sisters looked over and saw him hitting the side of the  
monitor to his computer. The screen on the monitor was flashing  
and flipping making it's contents completely unintelligible.   
Phoebe thought for a moment that she saw a small figure dart  
behind the desk. It must have been a trick of the light.  
  
"Damn computer system," swore the man again, as the  
monitor returned to normal.  
  
"Jackson, what's the problem?" asked Paige, going over to his  
desk.  
  
"I've been working on that file all morning," he said, managing  
a weak smile. "Just as I was about to finish it, the damn  
computer system went screwy. That report is due in thirty  
minutes. What the hell am I going to do?"  
  
"Just call up the backup file," said Paige, pressing a button on  
the keyboard. "They system is programmed to save whatever  
you're working on every ten minutes. At least you'll only have to  
redo the last ten minutes of the file."  
  
"Thanks," said Jackson. "If I lost that file the boss would have  
. . .."  
  
His voice trailed off as a message on the screen showed "No  
File Found".  
  
"That's impossible," said Paige. "The files are automatically  
saved."  
  
Just then Paige's boss came over to Jackson's desk. He  
didn't look happy.  
  
"Was there a meeting I wasn't told about?" he asked.  
  
"No," said Paige. "Jackson was having some problems with  
the computer and I was just helping him."  
  
"And it takes three of you to do that?" asked her boss, looking  
at Piper and Phoebe.  
  
"Actually," said Piper, "we just stopped in to take Paige to  
lunch."  
  
"Not a good day," said Paige's boss. "If I didn't know better,  
I'd swear someone was sabotaging this place. Every time I turn  
around, someone else has a problem. Jackson, do you have that  
file for me yet?"  
  
"Well," said Jackson, nervously, "that's the problem I was  
having. I was just finishing it up when the computer system went  
screwy. It wiped out the entire file."  
  
"Just bring up the backup," said the boss.  
  
"Tried that," said Paige. "It seems to have been wiped out of  
the database."  
  
"Another one?" questioned the boss, undisguised anger in his  
voice. "That's the third one this morning."  
  
Phoebe seemed less interested in the conversation than in  
what appeared to be small figures scurrying around the office.   
She hadn't been able to get a good look at them. Whatever they  
were, they were incredibly fast.  
  
"Piper, can I see you a second?" she whispered to Piper.  
  
"Excuse us a second," said Piper.  
  
They stepped back over to Paige's desk.  
  
"What is it?" Piper asked.  
  
"There's something in here," said Phoebe. "Small things that  
move incredibly fast. I'm not sure what they are, but no one else  
seems to know they're here?"  
  
"Demons?" questioned Piper.  
  
"I don't know," said Phoebe. "I can't imagine what a demon  
would want here. But with Paige working here, I don't think we  
can take any chances."  
  
"Okay," said Piper. "There's one way to find out. I'll freeze the  
room and then we'll find out what these things are."  
  
"Right," said Phoebe.  
  
They stepped back over to where Paige and the other two  
men were standing. They were still talking about the problems in  
the office and Paige's boss seemed to be getting increasingly  
angrier with every second.  
  
"You know," said Piper, "it seems kind of cold in here. Don't  
you think so, Paige?"  
  
Paige looked at Piper and saw the look on her face. Piper's  
raised eyebrows and wide open eyes told Paige that Piper had a  
different meaning from the temperature in the room.  
  
"Yeah, kind of," said Paige. "Would you say it could get  
freezing in here?"  
  
"Exactly," said Piper, freezing the entire room. "I'm glad you  
were able to get my hint. I didn't want to freeze the room until you  
were ready for it. Phoebe says there are some creatures in  
here."  
  
"Creatures?" questioned Paige. "I haven't seen anything and  
I've been here all morning."  
  
"They're here," said Phoebe, looking around the room. "The  
last one was over there, by that desk. Whatever it is, it should be  
frozen. We should be able to get a good look at it and find out  
what it is."  
  
The three walked over and looked behind the desk. Nothing  
was there. Phoebe looked around, perplexed.  
  
"I could have sworn it was over here," said Phoebe. "Maybe it  
moved somewhere else."  
  
"Okay, fan out," said Piper. "If it's still in this room, it should be  
frozen. We just have to find it."  
  
The three sister walked around the room looking behind and  
under desks. Paige took a quick look in her bosses office but  
found nothing. When they had checked the entire room, they met  
back at Paige's desk.  
  
"I don't understand it," said Phoebe. "I know I saw something.   
It couldn't have just disappeared."  
  
"Maybe it left the office," suggested Paige. "After all, the  
doors are constantly opening in this place."  
  
"Are you sure you saw something?" asked Piper. "Maybe it  
was a trick of the light or . . .."  
  
"There," said Phoebe, pointing to a desk at the far end of the  
room. "I just saw it move over there."  
  
"Okay," said Piper. "Paige, you move around that side. I'll  
take the other side. Phoebe, you head straight for the desk.   
Whatever it is, we have it cornered."  
  
The three sisters converged on the desk. As Paige and Piper  
moved around the sides of the desk, Phoebe walked straight to it.   
She stopped at the edge of the desk and looked over.  
  
Huddled near the back wall was a small creature about two  
feet high. It was covered in fur except for it's face, hands, and  
feet, which were bare. It looked around like a frightened animal,  
looking from one sister to the next.  
  
"I knew it," said Phoebe. "I'm not sure what that thing is, but  
no bigger than it is, it can't be that dangerous."  
  
"What thing?" asked Piper. "I don't see anything."  
  
"Neither do I," said Paige. "There's nothing there."  
  
"It's right there," said Phoebe, pointing at the creature.  
  
"Witch," said the creature in perfect English. "You must have  
a special sight. Only those with special sight can see us."  
  
"I see," said Phoebe.  
  
"See what?" asked Piper. "Phoebe, what are you talking  
about?"  
  
"That . . . thing just spoke to me," said Phoebe. "My  
precognition is allowing me to see it. Only someone with a  
special sight can see it."  
  
"That's great," said Paige. "How do you fight something you  
can't see."  
  
"Easy," said Phoebe. "Creature of darkness or creature of  
light, allow my sisters to see this sight."  
  
As Phoebe finished incanting the spell, both Piper and Paige  
suddenly saw the small creature. It hadn't moved and stood  
looking around. But it no longer looked frightened.  
  
"What is that?" asked Piper. "I've never seen anything like it."  
  
"Three witches," said the creature. "It has been a long time  
since we saw a witch. I like witches. They're funny."  
  
"Funny?" questioned Paige. "What's so funny about witches?"  
  
"They think they're invincible," said a voice behind Phoebe.  
  
The sisters turned and saw another of the creatures sitting on  
a nearby desk. It's legs hung over the side of the desk and it  
swung them back and forth. A broad smile crossed it's face.  
  
"They think their powers can do anything," said the creature  
sitting on the desk. "Look at you. You think that just because  
you can freeze things that it will work on us. That is so funny."  
  
"Just what are you?" asked Phoebe. "And what are you doing  
here?"  
  
"We're work gnomes," said the little creature behind the desk.   
"I am Bedlam. That is Dazzle. And we are doing what work  
gnomes do."  
  
"Just what does that mean?" asked Paige.  
  
"Exactly what Bedlam said," responded Dazzle. "We do what  
work gnomes do. It is really quite fun. You should try it  
sometime. It should be quite simple for ones with powers such as  
yours."  
  
"Try what?" asked Piper. "Just what exactly do work gnomes  
do?"  
  
"We help people," said Dazzle, giggling. "We make their lives  
interesting. Working in an office like this is so tedious. So we  
liven things up for them. So that they don't get bored."  
  
"You're responsible for all the messes?" shouted Paige. "We  
do a lot of important work here. People's lives depend on what  
we do here. You're not helping people. You're causing more  
problems."  
  
"Ridiculous," said Bedlam. "Just look how busy everyone is.   
No one is bored. We're doing some excellent work here."  
  
"Of course no one is bored," said Phoebe. "You're making  
them redo all their work. These people have a lot more to do  
than do the same thing over and over again."  
  
"But they aren't bored," said Dazzle.  
  
"Okay, I've had enough of this," said Piper. "Listen, you work  
gnomes or whatever you are. Why don't you just get out of here  
and let these people do their jobs. Go bother someone else for a  
change."  
  
"Or what?" said Dazzle. "You'll freeze us? It doesn't work on  
us, as you can see. There's nothing you can do to us. That's  
why witches are so funny."  
  
"Oh yeah?" asked Piper.  
  
She didn't hesitate. She raised here hands and Dazzle  
suddenly exploded into a thousand pieces. The pieces began to  
fly into all directions, then suddenly changed direction and the  
work gnome was reconstituted. Only instead of only a single  
gnome, two sat on the desk. All three gnomes began to laugh  
hysterically.  
  
"I told you," said the reconstituted Dazzle. "Your powers don't  
work on us. And now we have another one. Imagine how much  
we can help the people in this office now."  
  
Piper, Phoebe, and Paige walked back over to Paige's desk as  
the three work gnomes rolled on the floor laughing.  
  
"Good move," said Phoebe. "Now there's another one to deal  
with."  
  
"It's not my fault," said Piper. "How was I supposed to know  
something like that would happen?"  
  
"Well, what now?" asked Paige. "Things were bad enough  
with two of them here. It's going to be even worse with three of  
them."  
  
"My explosive power obviously isn't any help here," said Piper.   
"Maybe we should call Leo. He might know something about  
these work gnomes."  
  
"I don't think so," said Phoebe. "From what they've said, they  
aren't really evil. They aren't trying to hurt anyone. They're just  
trying to make life more interesting for people."  
  
"Well, all they're doing is causing trouble," said Paige.   
"Jackson's report is only the tip of the iceberg. Files have been  
misplaced, appointments have just disappeared from people's  
calendar, and Marge had a cup of coffee that mysteriously spilled  
all over her desk. I guess it's not so mysterious, now."  
  
"Hey, witches," said Dazzle. "Would you mind unfreezing  
everyone? We have to get back to work. There are so many  
people here who need our help."  
  
"I don't think so," said Piper. "You're going to leave this place  
before I unfreeze anyone."  
  
"Or what?" asked the new work gnome. "You'll blow us up  
again? Go ahead. We can always use a few more hands around  
here."  
  
"It's really too bad," said Phoebe.  
  
"What is?" asked Bedlam.  
  
"That you're wasting your time here," said Phoebe. "There are  
so many other places that could use your help."  
  
"It's a trick," said Dazzle. "She's trying to lure us away from  
here. So that we can't do our work."  
  
"No I'm not," said Phoebe. "Like you said, there's nothing we  
can do. Besides, you aren't really bad guys. Just not very  
smart."  
  
"Phoebe, honey," said Piper, "what are you doing?"  
  
"Nothing, I guess," said Phoebe. "They aren't going to listen  
to me anyway. So don't worry about it, sis. Come on. Let's get  
out of here. We have a lunch to get to."  
  
"Wait a minute," said the new gnome. "What do you mean  
there are other places that could use our help?"  
  
"Well, look at this place," said Phoebe. "How many people  
work here? Only a handful. It must be kind of boring for you to  
have to keep going back to the same people all the time."  
  
"She has a point," Dazzle said to Bedlam. "Do you know how  
many times I've caused a glitch in the computer system? It might  
be nice if we could vary the routine a bit. You know, a computer  
glitch here, spilled coffee there, moving files around, maybe lock  
or unlock a desk drawer or office door. It does get kind of boring  
around here."  
  
"Okay," said Bedlam, "you know of a better place?"  
  
"Never mind," said Phoebe nonchalantly. "It's not important.   
You have your work to do here. And we have a lunch to get to.   
Let's get out of here."  
  
"Oh, no," said Dazzle, "you can't do that. You know  
something. Come on, spill it. If there's a better place for us, we  
want to know."  
  
"It's just that, I do happen to know of an office that's badly in  
need of your help, that's all," said Phoebe. "Lot's of people who  
do the same boring repetitive work day after day after day."  
  
"Where?" asked Dazzle. "You really know of such a place?   
Tell us, please. You must tell us."  
  
"Alright," said Phoebe, feinging reluctance. "It's called the  
cable company. All they do every day is process the same old  
paperwork day after day after day. It must be really boring for  
them."  
  
"She's right," Dazzle said to Bedlam. "I've heard of this cable  
company. They hook up some kind of entertainment service for  
people. And they do it every day. I don't think any of us have  
ever been there before."  
  
"Where is this cable company?" asked the new gnome. "This  
is a big city. If they hook up this service for everyone, they must  
have lots of people working for them. Just imagine how many we  
can help."  
  
"It's downtown somewhere," said Phoebe. "I'm sure it won't  
be very hard to find it."  
  
"Come on," Dazzle said to the other two gnomes, "let's get  
going. We've done enough here. Let's go help these cable  
company people."  
  
Giggling, the three gnomes disappeared out the office door  
before any of the sisters could even move.  
  
"You sent them to the cable company?" asked Piper.  
  
"Well," said Phoebe, "it was obvious one of our powers were  
going to work on them. We had to get them out of here otherwise  
this office would never get anything done.  
  
"Besides, remember when the cable guy came to our house?   
You spent hours with that guy filling out paperwork and we are  
still having problems with the cable company. I figured if we had  
to get rid of those gnomes, we might as well repay the cable  
company for all their help."  
  
"Great thinking," said Paige. "Now we'll never get our cable  
straightened out."  
  
"It can't be any worse than it is now," said Phoebe. "Besides,  
as screwed up as the cable company is, maybe those pesky little  
gnomes might actually do some good."  
  
"Well," said Piper, "I'd better unfreeze everyone so they can  
actually get some work done. We'd better get back into place."  
  
The three moved back over to Paige's desk and Piper unfroze  
the room. The activity immediately started up again and people  
in the room continued their work.  
  
"Well," said a man coming into the room, "I think I've got the  
computer problem fixed. You shouldn't have any more problems  
with it."  
  
"Look at that," said Jackson.  
  
Everyone looked at the Jackson's computer screen and the  
file Paige had tried to retrieve suddenly appeared on the monitor.   
All over the room things seemed to settle down. Paige's boss  
looked around the room in stunned amazement.  
  
"I'll be damned," he said. "Maybe this will actually turn out to  
be a good day after all."  
  
"I think I'll take lunch now," said Paige.  
  
"Huh?" questioned her boss. "Yeah, sure, go on. But don't  
forget the file on the Robertson case. I need it by the end of the  
day."  
  
"I don't think that will be a problem," said Paige. "Now," she  
added, under her breath.  
  
Piper, Phoebe, and Paige left the office and headed for the  
restaurant where they had reservations for lunch. As they walked  
to the car, Piper chuckled silently to herself. She would love to be  
at the cable company right now and see them repaid for what  
they had put her through.  
  
The End  
  
If you've enjoyed this story, you can find more "Charmed" stories  
at my website, www.geocities.com/killeenmale/. You can also  
post your own "Charmed" stories if you like to write fan fiction. 


End file.
